Critique my peom please? - wording examples for trophy kill mounts
enough if you tell me what you like and what not ... I'm good with constructive criticism, but just said, oh it sucks. Thanx
Sex, drugs, beer, what can you ask
Who could not like to sleep without obligation
Who would think that we are ruining the youth of the nation?
Examples are the most praised, will be the last words
Perhaps we take democracy for granted
How many elections really matter, after all
Does everyone in the country must be on the ball?
I am sure we are not a hypocrite, but sowed the seeds,
Iraq, Iran, Afghanistan begin
Any concern about our presence in the region such as
If Muslims get upset, I told them that I am crazy
It is not to allow such, but we no one, nuclear weapons
Look at my portfolio filled to the brim
a house, a car, a house, a trophy
Money does not buy happiness, but there is satisfaction, my life
The Bible, after all happy
Idiots in the temple, theChrist is made by
Nothing Like
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Wording Examples For Trophy Kill Mounts Critique My Peom Please?
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3 comments:
Not bad reputation as a poem, but it has many places that could use editing. A place, before I forget, because there is more than the first section of the poem is that if you changed "eager" to a "greedy" rhyme the next line would be: "Nothing." Who would not enjoy ... "is embarrassing ... maybe", which does not benefit ... "To enjoy or not? Who is the hero of the poem ... a symbol? I ask because you: would say "who think" we "corruption of a young nation?" The next line, "leased examples are" is also wrong ... What do you mean the company which are intended as examples? They are considered "icons" that "an example" ... and if it is "in the true sense, who can say:" Words will take longer? who could "take over" or "last longer" but not "about the past." No comma necessary "This is not as if we allow nuclear weapons for everyone",, But after the "portfolio" is required. Moreover, the Bible says nothing ... Perhaps it might be "heaven" or the Bible says that heaven is also in
... They have some good lines, the rest must be some work.
... keep writing
It took a long time, to put it mildly. Repitition not really, unless you count it, the rhythm of the rhyme. I mean, there is little to keep in touch.
a little abstract, so catch my drift.
Nice try, but I think you should do a series of projects. Here's why: no flow, the sequence is sometimes random. Certainly be corrected.
and, for example in the fourth row, I had a better name and type:
The words are foreign, the only concern that gasoline
or not, is my opinion that most actions leave an imprint on the words of people. do not use (my opinion)
This is my constructive criticism ... someone, probably the best help in this, but I hope so.
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